It’s about wine.
Depending on your specific information source, water covers 71% of the Earths surface, or thereabouts. This fact does not change the fact that so little of it is palatable at a dinner party.
Humankind has spent millennia trying to soften the sharp edges of existence. We tried philosophy, but it led to existential dread; we tried exercise, but it led to sweat. Eventually, an ancient, unsung genius left a bucket of crushed grapes in the sun, took a cautious sip, and realized we could simply ferment our way to tranquility.
Wine is not merely a beverage; it is the social lubricant that keeps civil society from devolving into a series of passive-aggressive email threads. Without it, how would anyone survive a three-hour family holiday dinner? Grape juice with an attitude is the only reason uncle-level political debates end in groans rather than exile. It transforms awkward networking events into tolerable human interactions and elevated culinary experiences into actual memories.
Consider the sheer utility of the product. Wine is the only substance on Earth that allows you to drink your vegetables, pretend you care about "terroir," and classify an evening of sitting on the couch in sweatpants as a "tasting." It bridges the gap between sophisticated and pathetic. Pour a clear spirit into a glass at 5:00 PM on a Tuesday, and people express concern; pour a dark pinot noir into a oversized goblet, and suddenly you’re a connoisseur having a stressful week.
To live without wine is to reject one of humanity's finest achievements: the ability to bottle time, sunlight, and bad decisions into a single 750ml glass vessel. It is poetry in liquid form, or at the very least, a temporary mute button for adult responsibilities.
So, can one physically survive without wine? Scientifically, yes, your organs will function, your heart will beat, and your clock will keep ticking.
But living? That would require a corkscrew.
Cheers
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